Logan, I read your Portfolio story, Rama and Sita: Modern Day. Setting the story on OU Campus and explaining real aspects about college life, such as the union, various fraternities and sororities, and the freshmen 15 really helped me engage with this story since I am familiar with campus. I might even tone this down a little bit in order for it to be of appropriate introduction size compared to the rest of your story. Or, you could expand on the rest of the story where Rama tries to get Sita to notice him. I would suggest breaking this story into maybe three smaller paragraphs. The story will flow much more nicely when everything is organized into paragraphs separating similar actions. For example, the first paragraph can be about student life, the second about Rama being nervous about confronting Sita, and the third where they end up falling for each other. Also, it was great that the girl asked the guy to the date party!
Logan, to start, I would make your menu a little bit bigger on your site. I had a hard time discovering the Story#1 up in the corner. As for the story, I would make it a little more obvious that it is based on the Ramayana. Other than the names being shared, there are not many similarities or shared features. This of course, does not mean it wasn't well written. I like your style and your narrative was very concise. I look forward to more from you! I like your choice of satire for the retelling of this story. Greek life can be a great theme for a comedy bit. My favorite jest was when "Lak" feels like a third wheel and decides to bail. I can imagine that's something all of your readers will be able to relate too.
I like the way your portfolio is set up! Especially with the pops of color, which makes it more engaging. I like how you have also added what to expect on the home page, it really give the audience an idea of what they will be reading about. As for the story one, I found few grammar mistakes and spacing issues. I would just double check on the spell check and read out the whole story to make sure you are not missing any prepositions or silly grammar. You left more spaces between some of the sentences then necessary. I like the plot of the story though, it was interesting to see that you made it into more of a modern romance. It was also nice to see that you included OU campus in it and student life before you dived into the story. Overall, great job! I can't wait to read more from the portfolio.
Love how you incorporated your school into your story. I also did this in a lot of my stories. It makes it fun to read whenever you make the setting at our own university. I also like how you made the story a very similar one to maybe something of your own?? It was funny to me that you put Rama and Sita in a fraternity and sorority setting and let them live their life as a student at OU. Your page set up was really nice and clean. It was easy to navigate unlike some of the other stories I have read so that was nice to see. I hope to get to read more stories like this one and you continue the theme of Sita and Rama living their lives as college students here at OU. I am also guessing that you are a Beta here. Continue the great writing!
First I would like to compliment you on your portfolio page! I like the way you have it set up. It is very navigable. The way you started your story in Norman is very relatable because it is OUr campus. I like the intro you had because it set up the setting of how our campus is, then you took it back to the past and then talked about Sita and Rama. I know for sure, I never would have thought about putting Rama and Sita in a fraternity. However, it is definitely a great way to retell your story. Did you maybe think about making keeping the story going and have Sita and Rama because Student Body President and have them play a role that is related to the epics on campus. Just so you can keep the story going. I am looking forward to falling your stories.
You are off to a great start with your project. The layout of your webpage is very professional looking and neat. Some people try to make theres so sophisticated that it is too complex to navigate. Yours just took two simple clicks and I found your story - great job. This story was really good. I was excited to read about a story in Norman, and it's cool how you included the beta house with it. I thought it was fun to read about these Epics characters in a fraternity - very funny! I am now thinking about writing a story based in Norman because I think everybody enjoyed picturing the characters here. I would never think to do something relevant to OU, so I really appreciate your creativity into this story. Overall great job, keep up the good work, and I hope I can read some more of your stories over the semester!
Hi, Logan! I think you're off to a great start on your project, and I really love your idea. I think making the story based on a college student setting makes it really relatable for many people who have had no background in the Ramayana, and I think it adds for a great deal of creativity and character development. I think one recommendation I would have is to add more of a background for Sita - you add a lot about Rama and his initial freshman experiences with Lakshmana, but not so much about Sita. Adding more background about her can give you more avenues for character development later. In later additions to your story, you could talk about the pledging process that Rama and Sita have to go through for their respective Greek houses - that would be very interesting to see! Great work, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Hi Logan! I enjoyed your story. It was very well written and clean, while being entertaining. The little comedic moments helped to keep it interesting. I also enjoyed that that it was relatable, particularly to your current audience. In a way, you were telling a story that was as much about a specific culture as the Ramayana was about its culture...Greek life and its intricacies and rituals probably sound as foreign to someone outside of it as the Ramayana does to us. As an older student, I'm an outsider looking in, since I was never part of that world, but I'm familiar with it from some of my siblings who were. I thought that the way you incorporated it was cool. It was creative and unique. The set up of your page was nice and simple while still appearing interesting. It was very easy to navigate, which is nice. Overall, I thought you did an excellent job in this story. It was very engaging.
LOGAN HAHA!! When I first opened your blog and saw the heading photo was Beta I knew this was going to be good. I loved the content of your story; it made it really relatable that it was set in modern-day OU! Also, I loved the fact that Theta was the sorority that Sita was in; living in the Theta house made me really visualize what was happening. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see more fun stories like this!
Hi, Logan! I love the modern twist in the love story between Rama and Sita for your first story. Not only is it a more refreshing way to look at their relationship, but it is also a more realistic way for them to fall in love rather than lust. I feel bad for Lakshmana, though; he went to hang out with a frat brother only to be left as a third wheel! As for your second story, I like the idea of weak, non-brutish Duryodhana. Turning him into a dog is a much better ending than the utter destruction he caused at the end of the Mahabharata. And that is a cute dog... I think my only critique is for some missing commas and that you have some spelling errors in a couple of places all in the second story. You have some great stories, and I love the comedic take on the subjects! Good job!
Hey Logan. I read your story about Rama and Sita - A Chance at Romance: Norman Style. I loved this story. I is so relatable, I can remember feeling the same way you described Rama my freshman year. I could immediately see the parallel between your story and the original and I love the modern twist you put on it. The layout of your site is also great. Very easy to navigate and looks very nice. On suggestion I will make is to maybe move the images you included in your stories up into the actual story content instead of at the very bottom. I didn't even notice the picture the first time I read through. Just a thought, but great work!
Hi, Logan! I like the layout of your pages and the banners of each story. Each of your story has a different theme and setting. The first story has a romantic theme where Sita and Rama fell in love on the University of Oklahoma campus. I like how you changed the setting of this story to OU, because everyone in this class is familiar with it. The second story has an envious them where Duryodhana always has his revenge plans against the Pandavas on his mind. It was nice for the Pandavas not to kill Duryodhana but turned him into a dog. I kind of want to know more about how Duryodhana felt about his revenge plan after all. Both of your stories are great, but I would actually position the images in the middle of the stories instead of the end. overall, I enjoyed reading your stories and I look forward to read more.
Wow, I really enjoyed both the stories in your portfolio. I thought you did a great job in making them more modern and easy to relate to by changing the setting to campus. My favorite part in the first story was how it was so funny to read. I like how you mentioned a frat lap. Haha. My favorite part in second story was how fairy-tale like it was. When you mentioned potions, I couldn’t help but think of a fairy-tale. One thing I did wonder about was how the Pandavas were successful. I think adding in a little bit more detail on that will make your story even more fun to read. I appreciated the humor the most. I hope you continue to add in humor to your future stories, as well. I also enjoyed the style of your portfolio. It was very easy to follow, and I like that you added in a “what to Expect” part in the homepage.
As you know, I have already read your first story and loved it! Just like the previous one, I loved how you used informal language in this story as well. I read this stories very casually, so they are enjoyable and easy to understand. Since I have heard your voice before, I read it in your voice since it sounds like you were just speaking it! You everyday language made it sound like a conversation instead of a traditional storybook-- I like that! Something you could add in this story is dialogue. You have a couple lines of it when Daay is speaking, but I feel like the Pandavas have some witty or funny things they could day during the dinner. Their comments to each other or to Dury would probably give the story even more humor than it already has. I also love how yo changed the story; instead of the castle burning down, you changed the antagonist into a cute, white, tiny dog (which I also love). I wil definitely keep up with your blog as the class continues, so keep up the good work!
I really like the main page to your portfolio. Your website is very easy to navigate and it has a nice, clean look. Telling the reader what to expect and the basic premise of each story serves as a nice introduction for the rest of your website.
Both of your stories were very creative and entertaining. You did have one typo that I saw in your second story (second paragraph: I believe "brother" should be "brothers") which is quite remarkable for how much you have written.
The only other suggestion I have is to maybe start your second paragraph (of your second story) with something other than "For starters" as you used it to start the second sentence of your first paragraph (or you could change this to something else). In fact, I think you could actually just remove it from the first paragraph and it would still sound just fine.
Hey Logan, The layout for the portfolio is well done. It was really easy to navigate and including the a little bit of a outline for the stories on the front page was a good idea so the reader would know what exactly would be read. I read the first story and it was very well created. The spacing on the writing was well done, it was not rushed at any point. It also flowed really well. You also did a good job incorporating the characters from the Ramayana into a different setting but still holding a semblance to the Ramayana. I do not have anything really that you could add to your story. I look forward to reading some of your other stories in the future!
I read your second story and It was well constructed. I liked how you kept the plot same and also added a little background for audiences, who might not have any. You talk about pandavas being strong and successful, but you don't go into details on how they have become to be. I think you could add a little more background to the story of how they were born vs how Kauravas were born. It would help the audience realize not only why they were successful but also why Duryodhana was jealous of them. You can try adding more details on how is jealousy became stronger that eventually he wanted to destroy them. I like the fairy tale them, about the witch making potions and how she will help Dury avenge his cousin brothers. I think your grammar and overall composition looks great. Overall, good job and can't wait to read more stories! Good luck!
I read your second story and love how you made a little switch from the first. The pandavas are some of my favorite characters we have read about so far so I was excited to see what your take would be on the story. I like how you took an adaptation from one of the shorter stories and made it your own. I really like your writing and your page was easy to read because of the spacing and paragraph formats. One thing I would add to your story is maybe a little more detail on who the pandavas are and their abilities. They are such an important part to this story that they need the most attention when writing about them. I hope to continue to read more of your stories as I enjoy your writing. Great Job! Hopefully you will get to read a couple of my stories as the semester goes along.
I really like your portfolio project. It seems like you are off to a great start and I enjoyed getting to read your second story. I remember reading your first story about the romance in Norman, so I was excited to come back to your page and read another one of your stories. My favorite part about your page is how much background you give the reader before they read the story. For me, this sets up a really solid foundation and the story is easy and interesting to follow along with. Your paragraphs structures are also very uniform and organized. I like when people are able to separate their paragraphs like you do because it is very easy to read. This is something that I struggle with doing. Overall, great job and I look forward to coming back to your page to read another one of your stories in the future. Great job! Brooks
Hi Logan! I loved reading through your portfolio — great work with these stories. I really enjoy how you set the first one in Norman and used familiar campus landmarks. It really makes the story seem much more relatable and close to home. This story is sweet and easy to follow. The second story left me with a few more questions. I think it did eventually make things clear, but the intro section was a bit confusing. There was a lot of explanation about relationships and relations, and it seemed a bit convoluted. I wonder if telling the story from Dury's perspective, and letting him express his own emotions and relationship to other characters might work more easily. I do really like your ending on this story though — it's much better to read than the original and really creative as well!!
Congrats on a great portfolio and good luck with the rest of your stories!
Hey, Logan! I really like the look of your project site. It's simple but in a good way. I really liked how you took the story of Rama and Sita and set it on a modern college campus - it works really well for storytelling. I would've actually like a bit more toward the end of the story. It felt rushed like you were just hurrying to finish the story. I think slowing it down and adding some detail would help with that, the descriptions that you do have are phenomenal and I would like to see more. The second story was also very good but the beginning section where you explain everything is awkward and confusing. I think it would be better to just tell your story then cover all of the things in the intro in your author's note. I think it would just read better and the layout would be cleaner and less awkward. Other than that, nicely done!
I like that you are doing your project over your favorite stories that you have written in this class. It is a great way to show case all that you have accomplished this semester and the different ways that your writing has improved!
One suggestion I would like to make is changing the titles you have on your homepage/all pages from "story #1" and "story #2'. It is important to want to draw your readers in to your stories. You do have the 'what to expect' section on your homepage, which gives an awesome teaser to your two stories, but I think it would give a cleaner look to change them to the actual names of your stories.
I enjoyed your first story, it was funny and interesting to see their emotions come out like this! This was a story I did a rewriting on, but not one that I put in my project so it was cool to see the way you improved it from your original draft of it. The fraternity and frat lap references were funny, the humor and modernization of this story definitely made it an interesting read.
In your second story, I was not very sure about the opening paragraph. I thought this could definitely be better written and written into the story, instead of having to give this little side note. For example, I would change it to opening this story by describing the Pandavas. Giving a scenario of the Pandavas that makes the reader know that they are 'cool'.
Logan, I had already read your first two stories in previous weeks, so it was great to return to read the third one! "Bad Juju from a Jewel" is a fun title and goes well with the overall tone of your project. I would suggest putting these titles, or maybe a shorter version of them, at the top in the navigation. This way, the readers are more interested and enticed into reading your stories. "Story #1," etc. does not tell us anything about what will happen in your tale. In the third story, I liked the liberties you took in writing your own tale. You gave the main character, Satrajit, a mission from Surya instead of just receiving the necklace as a gift. Also, the dialogue flows well. I would suggest editing the author's note so that is also flows well. Although it is informative, it is written a little choppily, which got distracting. That is easily fixable. Anyway, good job on this!
Logan! This is the first time I've had the opportunity to read your project, and I'm really glad I did! I can't wait to come back and read more of your stories next week :) When reading the titles of your story "A Chance at Romance: Norman Style" really caught my attention. I was so excited to read a story based on campus life. Let me tell you, you couldn't have explained the date party search freshman year any better!
Your writing style is very laid back, making it easier for your audience to not only follow your story, but also stay interested. The only thing from the story that I noticed was in a conversation between Rama and Sita. Sita says, "Oh I have definitely seen you trick into class before..." Did you mean to say trick or trip?
another thing I was wondering when I was on your page is why don't you use the titles in your tabs on your site? Readers can find them on your home page along with a very simple description, but is there a reason the tabs are generic?
This week I read your third story, Bad Juju from a Jewel. I enjoyed reading the story and like the background of the story. One of the suggestion I have is fixing the spacing of the story. It seems of in between some sentences. Another suggestion I have is maybe adding more details to the story. The story seems short and rushed. Maybe add details on how the bad people try to steal the necklace or what bad things they did that made them such way or how did the necklace kill them. As for the author's note, I would have given a short concise background and then talked about what you changed from the original version. You only have one sentence at the end for the change you created. Overall, I did not notice any grammar mistakes so keep it up! I also like the story you created, of giving Satrajit a choice at the end to whether keep the necklace or not.
Hi Logan. I read your story Bad Juju from a Jewel. I enjoyed reading it and think you did a really good job with the background of the story. I like the way you changed up the story to make it your own. Having the main character have a mission from Surya instead of just being given the necklace was an interesting twist. Your writing is great and the dialogue flows very smoothly. As for the design of your site, I Like what you have done. I really like the idea of adding a short summary of the stories on the homepage, but I would recommend adding some more to those. I think just a little bit more detail could really help the reader get a better grasp of what to expect.
Hi, Logan! I can't believe it's taken me so long to come see your portfolio! You've done a great job with your site and making it easy to navigate. Also I love how you are able to make each story your own. The author's note make it easy to see how you went from the original story to your own. The dialogue flows really well. I agree with Hayden, having little short spurts about each story on the homepage is a great idea. That way people can easily choose which story is most interesting to them! You're doing an awesome job. I look forward to reading more of your favorite stories :)
Hi Logan! You mentioned in one of your author's notes that you liked to add humor into your stories, and when I was reading your stories, they were all really light-hearted and enjoyable, so I would say you were successful in your goal! I also liked the way that you changed the story of the jewel to give it a more human and moral focus. That was lovely to read. Your photos were really cool too, although I wish they were displayed a little more clearly at the top of the story, instead of just in the title box. I think it would help set the scene a little earlier. Other than that, the formatting is really clear. It will be neat to see what your next story is. Maybe a Jakata or something like that. It would be cool to see what kind of humorous and human spin you would put on one of the animal tales. All in all, it seems like you're doing a really great job!
I really enjoyed reading through your portfolio! I thought that all of your stories were engaging and well written. I especially liked your third story "Bad Juju from a Jewel". I had never read the original source story so it was really nice to read your version first and then find out the background. If I had one suggestion, especially after reading the author's note, I would maybe add a line or two about what happens to the necklace when your main character dies. Does the sun god take it back? Does Sanjirit pass it on to someone worthy? I think adding just a little bit could be really great.
I also really liked the cover photos for all of your stories. However, I think in you can bring your last two photos, or at least the very last one into focus it would be good. Overall I really loved your stories. Great job!
I love your stories, and I think you did a great job at picking your favorites! They were each different, but they had their own unique spins and interesting plot lines, so I think they mesh really well! I like that you put your own "modern" spin on a lot of them, as I think that's always a fun way to make stories your own and add some spice to them. My favorite story was the second one where Duryodhana (Dury) has his plan foiled because he is forced to drink the tampered wine and he turns into a cute dog! I agree that the original is very harsh and sad, so I'm glad you picked such a cute and fluffy way to mix up the story and turn it into something more positive. As a side note, I also really liked the third story about the jewel. It was almost Monkey's Paw-esque, and I really liked that serious and dark aspect of it.
Hey! You are the last portfolio comment I will ever do, which is a bit weird to think about, but whatever! First off I like that you retold most of your stories from a new perspective. Interestingly enough, as someone not a part of Greek life, these stories were still just as foreign to me as the original tellings, but that's by no fault of your own. I still enjoyed them however, and reading your author's notes helped out a lot where I had otherwise been confused.
Especially with your first story, I liked how you added in extra little character motivations to make them more human. I think all of these Indian epic characters could use a bit more humanizing, so good job!
Logan, I read your Portfolio story, Rama and Sita: Modern Day. Setting the story on OU Campus and explaining real aspects about college life, such as the union, various fraternities and sororities, and the freshmen 15 really helped me engage with this story since I am familiar with campus. I might even tone this down a little bit in order for it to be of appropriate introduction size compared to the rest of your story. Or, you could expand on the rest of the story where Rama tries to get Sita to notice him. I would suggest breaking this story into maybe three smaller paragraphs. The story will flow much more nicely when everything is organized into paragraphs separating similar actions. For example, the first paragraph can be about student life, the second about Rama being nervous about confronting Sita, and the third where they end up falling for each other. Also, it was great that the girl asked the guy to the date party!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLogan, to start, I would make your menu a little bit bigger on your site. I had a hard time discovering the Story#1 up in the corner. As for the story, I would make it a little more obvious that it is based on the Ramayana. Other than the names being shared, there are not many similarities or shared features. This of course, does not mean it wasn't well written. I like your style and your narrative was very concise. I look forward to more from you! I like your choice of satire for the retelling of this story. Greek life can be a great theme for a comedy bit. My favorite jest was when "Lak" feels like a third wheel and decides to bail. I can imagine that's something all of your readers will be able to relate too.
ReplyDeleteHi Logan,
ReplyDeleteI like the way your portfolio is set up! Especially with the pops of color, which makes it more engaging. I like how you have also added what to expect on the home page, it really give the audience an idea of what they will be reading about. As for the story one, I found few grammar mistakes and spacing issues. I would just double check on the spell check and read out the whole story to make sure you are not missing any prepositions or silly grammar. You left more spaces between some of the sentences then necessary. I like the plot of the story though, it was interesting to see that you made it into more of a modern romance. It was also nice to see that you included OU campus in it and student life before you dived into the story. Overall, great job! I can't wait to read more from the portfolio.
Logan,
ReplyDeleteLove how you incorporated your school into your story. I also did this in a lot of my stories. It makes it fun to read whenever you make the setting at our own university. I also like how you made the story a very similar one to maybe something of your own?? It was funny to me that you put Rama and Sita in a fraternity and sorority setting and let them live their life as a student at OU. Your page set up was really nice and clean. It was easy to navigate unlike some of the other stories I have read so that was nice to see. I hope to get to read more stories like this one and you continue the theme of Sita and Rama living their lives as college students here at OU. I am also guessing that you are a Beta here. Continue the great writing!
Hello Logan!
ReplyDeleteFirst I would like to compliment you on your portfolio page! I like the way you have it set up. It is very navigable. The way you started your story in Norman is very relatable because it is OUr campus. I like the intro you had because it set up the setting of how our campus is, then you took it back to the past and then talked about Sita and Rama. I know for sure, I never would have thought about putting Rama and Sita in a fraternity. However, it is definitely a great way to retell your story. Did you maybe think about making keeping the story going and have Sita and Rama because Student Body President and have them play a role that is related to the epics on campus. Just so you can keep the story going. I am looking forward to falling your stories.
Hey Logan,
ReplyDeleteYou are off to a great start with your project. The layout of your webpage is very professional looking and neat. Some people try to make theres so sophisticated that it is too complex to navigate. Yours just took two simple clicks and I found your story - great job. This story was really good. I was excited to read about a story in Norman, and it's cool how you included the beta house with it. I thought it was fun to read about these Epics characters in a fraternity - very funny! I am now thinking about writing a story based in Norman because I think everybody enjoyed picturing the characters here. I would never think to do something relevant to OU, so I really appreciate your creativity into this story. Overall great job, keep up the good work, and I hope I can read some more of your stories over the semester!
Hi, Logan! I think you're off to a great start on your project, and I really love your idea. I think making the story based on a college student setting makes it really relatable for many people who have had no background in the Ramayana, and I think it adds for a great deal of creativity and character development. I think one recommendation I would have is to add more of a background for Sita - you add a lot about Rama and his initial freshman experiences with Lakshmana, but not so much about Sita. Adding more background about her can give you more avenues for character development later. In later additions to your story, you could talk about the pledging process that Rama and Sita have to go through for their respective Greek houses - that would be very interesting to see! Great work, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
ReplyDeleteHi Logan!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your story. It was very well written and clean, while being entertaining. The little comedic moments helped to keep it interesting. I also enjoyed that that it was relatable, particularly to your current audience. In a way, you were telling a story that was as much about a specific culture as the Ramayana was about its culture...Greek life and its intricacies and rituals probably sound as foreign to someone outside of it as the Ramayana does to us. As an older student, I'm an outsider looking in, since I was never part of that world, but I'm familiar with it from some of my siblings who were. I thought that the way you incorporated it was cool. It was creative and unique. The set up of your page was nice and simple while still appearing interesting. It was very easy to navigate, which is nice. Overall, I thought you did an excellent job in this story. It was very engaging.
LOGAN HAHA!! When I first opened your blog and saw the heading photo was Beta I knew this was going to be good. I loved the content of your story; it made it really relatable that it was set in modern-day OU! Also, I loved the fact that Theta was the sorority that Sita was in; living in the Theta house made me really visualize what was happening. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see more fun stories like this!
ReplyDeleteHi, Logan!
ReplyDeleteI love the modern twist in the love story between Rama and Sita for your first story. Not only is it a more refreshing way to look at their relationship, but it is also a more realistic way for them to fall in love rather than lust. I feel bad for Lakshmana, though; he went to hang out with a frat brother only to be left as a third wheel!
As for your second story, I like the idea of weak, non-brutish Duryodhana. Turning him into a dog is a much better ending than the utter destruction he caused at the end of the Mahabharata. And that is a cute dog... I think my only critique is for some missing commas and that you have some spelling errors in a couple of places all in the second story. You have some great stories, and I love the comedic take on the subjects! Good job!
Hey Logan. I read your story about Rama and Sita - A Chance at Romance: Norman Style. I loved this story. I is so relatable, I can remember feeling the same way you described Rama my freshman year. I could immediately see the parallel between your story and the original and I love the modern twist you put on it. The layout of your site is also great. Very easy to navigate and looks very nice. On suggestion I will make is to maybe move the images you included in your stories up into the actual story content instead of at the very bottom. I didn't even notice the picture the first time I read through. Just a thought, but great work!
ReplyDeleteHi, Logan!
ReplyDeleteI like the layout of your pages and the banners of each story. Each of your story has a different theme and setting. The first story has a romantic theme where Sita and Rama fell in love on the University of Oklahoma campus. I like how you changed the setting of this story to OU, because everyone in this class is familiar with it. The second story has an envious them where Duryodhana always has his revenge plans against the Pandavas on his mind. It was nice for the Pandavas not to kill Duryodhana but turned him into a dog. I kind of want to know more about how Duryodhana felt about his revenge plan after all. Both of your stories are great, but I would actually position the images in the middle of the stories instead of the end. overall, I enjoyed reading your stories and I look forward to read more.
Wow, I really enjoyed both the stories in your portfolio. I thought you did a great job in making them more modern and easy to relate to by changing the setting to campus. My favorite part in the first story was how it was so funny to read. I like how you mentioned a frat lap. Haha. My favorite part in second story was how fairy-tale like it was. When you mentioned potions, I couldn’t help but think of a fairy-tale. One thing I did wonder about was how the Pandavas were successful. I think adding in a little bit more detail on that will make your story even more fun to read. I appreciated the humor the most. I hope you continue to add in humor to your future stories, as well. I also enjoyed the style of your portfolio. It was very easy to follow, and I like that you added in a “what to Expect” part in the homepage.
ReplyDeleteLogan,
ReplyDeleteAs you know, I have already read your first story and loved it! Just like the previous one, I loved how you used informal language in this story as well. I read this stories very casually, so they are enjoyable and easy to understand. Since I have heard your voice before, I read it in your voice since it sounds like you were just speaking it! You everyday language made it sound like a conversation instead of a traditional storybook-- I like that!
Something you could add in this story is dialogue. You have a couple lines of it when Daay is speaking, but I feel like the Pandavas have some witty or funny things they could day during the dinner. Their comments to each other or to Dury would probably give the story even more humor than it already has. I also love how yo changed the story; instead of the castle burning down, you changed the antagonist into a cute, white, tiny dog (which I also love). I wil definitely keep up with your blog as the class continues, so keep up the good work!
Hi Logan,
ReplyDeleteI really like the main page to your portfolio. Your website is very easy to navigate and it has a nice, clean look. Telling the reader what to expect and the basic premise of each story serves as a nice introduction for the rest of your website.
Both of your stories were very creative and entertaining. You did have one typo that I saw in your second story (second paragraph: I believe "brother" should be "brothers") which is quite remarkable for how much you have written.
The only other suggestion I have is to maybe start your second paragraph (of your second story) with something other than "For starters" as you used it to start the second sentence of your first paragraph (or you could change this to something else). In fact, I think you could actually just remove it from the first paragraph and it would still sound just fine.
Either way, your site looks great!
Hey Logan,
ReplyDeleteThe layout for the portfolio is well done. It was really easy to navigate and including the a little bit of a outline for the stories on the front page was a good idea so the reader would know what exactly would be read.
I read the first story and it was very well created. The spacing on the writing was well done, it was not rushed at any point. It also flowed really well. You also did a good job incorporating the characters from the Ramayana into a different setting but still holding a semblance to the Ramayana. I do not have anything really that you could add to your story. I look forward to reading some of your other stories in the future!
Hi Logan,
ReplyDeleteI read your second story and It was well constructed. I liked how you kept the plot same and also added a little background for audiences, who might not have any. You talk about pandavas being strong and successful, but you don't go into details on how they have become to be. I think you could add a little more background to the story of how they were born vs how Kauravas were born. It would help the audience realize not only why they were successful but also why Duryodhana was jealous of them. You can try adding more details on how is jealousy became stronger that eventually he wanted to destroy them. I like the fairy tale them, about the witch making potions and how she will help Dury avenge his cousin brothers. I think your grammar and overall composition looks great. Overall, good job and can't wait to read more stories! Good luck!
Logan,
ReplyDeleteI read your second story and love how you made a little switch from the first. The pandavas are some of my favorite characters we have read about so far so I was excited to see what your take would be on the story. I like how you took an adaptation from one of the shorter stories and made it your own. I really like your writing and your page was easy to read because of the spacing and paragraph formats. One thing I would add to your story is maybe a little more detail on who the pandavas are and their abilities. They are such an important part to this story that they need the most attention when writing about them. I hope to continue to read more of your stories as I enjoy your writing. Great Job! Hopefully you will get to read a couple of my stories as the semester goes along.
Hi Logan,
ReplyDeleteI really like your portfolio project. It seems like you are off to a great start and I enjoyed getting to read your second story. I remember reading your first story about the romance in Norman, so I was excited to come back to your page and read another one of your stories. My favorite part about your page is how much background you give the reader before they read the story. For me, this sets up a really solid foundation and the story is easy and interesting to follow along with. Your paragraphs structures are also very uniform and organized. I like when people are able to separate their paragraphs like you do because it is very easy to read. This is something that I struggle with doing. Overall, great job and I look forward to coming back to your page to read another one of your stories in the future. Great job!
Brooks
Hi Logan! I loved reading through your portfolio — great work with these stories. I really enjoy how you set the first one in Norman and used familiar campus landmarks. It really makes the story seem much more relatable and close to home. This story is sweet and easy to follow. The second story left me with a few more questions. I think it did eventually make things clear, but the intro section was a bit confusing. There was a lot of explanation about relationships and relations, and it seemed a bit convoluted. I wonder if telling the story from Dury's perspective, and letting him express his own emotions and relationship to other characters might work more easily. I do really like your ending on this story though — it's much better to read than the original and really creative as well!!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on a great portfolio and good luck with the rest of your stories!
Hey, Logan! I really like the look of your project site. It's simple but in a good way. I really liked how you took the story of Rama and Sita and set it on a modern college campus - it works really well for storytelling. I would've actually like a bit more toward the end of the story. It felt rushed like you were just hurrying to finish the story. I think slowing it down and adding some detail would help with that, the descriptions that you do have are phenomenal and I would like to see more. The second story was also very good but the beginning section where you explain everything is awkward and confusing. I think it would be better to just tell your story then cover all of the things in the intro in your author's note. I think it would just read better and the layout would be cleaner and less awkward. Other than that, nicely done!
ReplyDeleteLogan,
ReplyDeleteI like that you are doing your project over your favorite stories that you have written in this class. It is a great way to show case all that you have accomplished this semester and the different ways that your writing has improved!
One suggestion I would like to make is changing the titles you have on your homepage/all pages from "story #1" and "story #2'. It is important to want to draw your readers in to your stories. You do have the 'what to expect' section on your homepage, which gives an awesome teaser to your two stories, but I think it would give a cleaner look to change them to the actual names of your stories.
I enjoyed your first story, it was funny and interesting to see their emotions come out like this! This was a story I did a rewriting on, but not one that I put in my project so it was cool to see the way you improved it from your original draft of it. The fraternity and frat lap references were funny, the humor and modernization of this story definitely made it an interesting read.
In your second story, I was not very sure about the opening paragraph. I thought this could definitely be better written and written into the story, instead of having to give this little side note. For example, I would change it to opening this story by describing the Pandavas. Giving a scenario of the Pandavas that makes the reader know that they are 'cool'.
Logan, I had already read your first two stories in previous weeks, so it was great to return to read the third one! "Bad Juju from a Jewel" is a fun title and goes well with the overall tone of your project. I would suggest putting these titles, or maybe a shorter version of them, at the top in the navigation. This way, the readers are more interested and enticed into reading your stories. "Story #1," etc. does not tell us anything about what will happen in your tale. In the third story, I liked the liberties you took in writing your own tale. You gave the main character, Satrajit, a mission from Surya instead of just receiving the necklace as a gift. Also, the dialogue flows well. I would suggest editing the author's note so that is also flows well. Although it is informative, it is written a little choppily, which got distracting. That is easily fixable. Anyway, good job on this!
ReplyDeleteLogan!
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I've had the opportunity to read your project, and I'm really glad I did! I can't wait to come back and read more of your stories next week :)
When reading the titles of your story "A Chance at Romance: Norman Style" really caught my attention. I was so excited to read a story based on campus life. Let me tell you, you couldn't have explained the date party search freshman year any better!
Your writing style is very laid back, making it easier for your audience to not only follow your story, but also stay interested. The only thing from the story that I noticed was in a conversation between Rama and Sita. Sita says, "Oh I have definitely seen you trick into class before..." Did you mean to say trick or trip?
another thing I was wondering when I was on your page is why don't you use the titles in your tabs on your site? Readers can find them on your home page along with a very simple description, but is there a reason the tabs are generic?
great job on the story!!
Hi Logan,
ReplyDeleteThis week I read your third story, Bad Juju from a Jewel. I enjoyed reading the story and like the background of the story. One of the suggestion I have is fixing the spacing of the story. It seems of in between some sentences. Another suggestion I have is maybe adding more details to the story. The story seems short and rushed. Maybe add details on how the bad people try to steal the necklace or what bad things they did that made them such way or how did the necklace kill them. As for the author's note, I would have given a short concise background and then talked about what you changed from the original version. You only have one sentence at the end for the change you created. Overall, I did not notice any grammar mistakes so keep it up! I also like the story you created, of giving Satrajit a choice at the end to whether keep the necklace or not.
Hi Logan. I read your story Bad Juju from a Jewel. I enjoyed reading it and think you did a really good job with the background of the story. I like the way you changed up the story to make it your own. Having the main character have a mission from Surya instead of just being given the necklace was an interesting twist. Your writing is great and the dialogue flows very smoothly. As for the design of your site, I Like what you have done. I really like the idea of adding a short summary of the stories on the homepage, but I would recommend adding some more to those. I think just a little bit more detail could really help the reader get a better grasp of what to expect.
ReplyDeleteHi, Logan! I can't believe it's taken me so long to come see your portfolio! You've done a great job with your site and making it easy to navigate. Also I love how you are able to make each story your own. The author's note make it easy to see how you went from the original story to your own. The dialogue flows really well. I agree with Hayden, having little short spurts about each story on the homepage is a great idea. That way people can easily choose which story is most interesting to them! You're doing an awesome job. I look forward to reading more of your favorite stories :)
ReplyDeleteHi Logan!
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned in one of your author's notes that you liked to add humor into your stories, and when I was reading your stories, they were all really light-hearted and enjoyable, so I would say you were successful in your goal! I also liked the way that you changed the story of the jewel to give it a more human and moral focus. That was lovely to read. Your photos were really cool too, although I wish they were displayed a little more clearly at the top of the story, instead of just in the title box. I think it would help set the scene a little earlier. Other than that, the formatting is really clear. It will be neat to see what your next story is. Maybe a Jakata or something like that. It would be cool to see what kind of humorous and human spin you would put on one of the animal tales. All in all, it seems like you're doing a really great job!
Hi Logan,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading through your portfolio! I thought that all of your stories were engaging and well written. I especially liked your third story "Bad Juju from a Jewel". I had never read the original source story so it was really nice to read your version first and then find out the background. If I had one suggestion, especially after reading the author's note, I would maybe add a line or two about what happens to the necklace when your main character dies. Does the sun god take it back? Does Sanjirit pass it on to someone worthy? I think adding just a little bit could be really great.
I also really liked the cover photos for all of your stories. However, I think in you can bring your last two photos, or at least the very last one into focus it would be good. Overall I really loved your stories. Great job!
I love your stories, and I think you did a great job at picking your favorites! They were each different, but they had their own unique spins and interesting plot lines, so I think they mesh really well! I like that you put your own "modern" spin on a lot of them, as I think that's always a fun way to make stories your own and add some spice to them.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite story was the second one where Duryodhana (Dury) has his plan foiled because he is forced to drink the tampered wine and he turns into a cute dog! I agree that the original is very harsh and sad, so I'm glad you picked such a cute and fluffy way to mix up the story and turn it into something more positive.
As a side note, I also really liked the third story about the jewel. It was almost Monkey's Paw-esque, and I really liked that serious and dark aspect of it.
Hey! You are the last portfolio comment I will ever do, which is a bit weird to think about, but whatever!
ReplyDeleteFirst off I like that you retold most of your stories from a new perspective. Interestingly enough, as someone not a part of Greek life, these stories were still just as foreign to me as the original tellings, but that's by no fault of your own. I still enjoyed them however, and reading your author's notes helped out a lot where I had otherwise been confused.
Especially with your first story, I liked how you added in extra little character motivations to make them more human. I think all of these Indian epic characters could use a bit more humanizing, so good job!